Christmas...

The first definition of family (used dictionary.com) is "parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not." Why do I bring this up you ask? Well, it's the simple fact that as Christmas draws near people are once again strongly reminded of this thing we call "family". In today's society we find that the strong sense of family is fading for the more selfish view of making oneself more important/powerful. Today as I sit thinking about Christmas (and holidays in general) I wonder why this is.

Where has our love and compassion gone to, in order to make us disreguard are own blood and focus on ourselves?? In this season based on love, togetherness, and giving, I am adding to the definition of family. My family is anyone who needs me at that moment. Not what they can do for me but what I can do for them and all that jazz. I am begging all of you who read this to find your sense "family" and act lovingly towards those who are not only blood or friends but also strangers.

This is the perfect time to volunteer at soup kitchens or even just buy a toy for toys for tots and bless a child. Many schools have food drives for the less fortunate people who won't be able to make a christmas meal without help. There are plenty of ways to be an active member of the HUMAN FAMILY. From my heart, I hope you will join me in doing this so that Christmas this year can be one full of Love, based on giving as it is supposed to be.

Also, heal your relationships with your own family. Love starts at home so if at all possible try to resolve a rift within your own life before taking that love out into the world. And if not possible- there's a whole world that could use a bit of holiday cheer.

This is based in part on my post at myspace about families. You can view it here & I'm sure once read you will understand my need to bring this up. Anyways, I hope you all have a safe and wonderful Christmas!

step dad

In the last few days certain decisions of mine have come to a head and I am sort of wading knee deep through the consequences trying to make it still work out. My step father and I have spent these last few days in a semi-explosive ongoing discussion b/c of course as a parent he feels my decisions should be different. I agree but hey I'm grown and I'm rolling with the punches really well. I'm also of the mind set "live and let live." Not to mention that neither of my parents are perfect nor have any of their relationships been perfect so I have been on the defensive- mainly just trying to avoid conversation with 'the man my mother married' (otherwise known as daddy when I'm not entirely frustrated with him). Things were said (mainly by him) that were very hurting and potentially relationship ruining. It was also starting to carry over into arguments with my mother as my step dad tried to get to the problem we were having.

So, last night, I'm sitting at the table and my dad says something that makes me bust out laughing and we start joking around. I just saw it as a good moment spent completely forgetting the last few days long enough to laugh. Like I said he's not perfect but man does he have a sense of humor. Anyways, my mother asks me how it is after everything that I can just sit there and laugh and joke as if the last few days hasn't happened (let alone all the other junk kids are meant to resent parents for). For one honest second I didn't know how to answer her. She had made a potentially very good point. What was I doing laughing with this jerk? But then it hit me- I wasn't laughing with a jerk, I was laughing with my dad. See the thing about love is that it's forgiving. One moment of laughter and joy shared makes up for many more tears. This is how I can say I have a friend of 15+ years and the reason why i still attend holiday functions at my mother's house even when my sister and i just got into it two days previous. This is a behavior that has allowed me to keep people who could and most likely have hurt me more than anyone else would ever get the chance. It has allowed my "family" to grow to include friends and associates that otherwise never would have been part of my life (and honestly some days without them I would be completely lost).

I sat and talked with both of them for an hour or so after that conversation starter. I was able to get out how the behavior was making me feel and for once my step dad just listened to what was in my heart. He is dealling with powerlessness issues, finding it hard to accept that perhaps my moral coding is already embedded into me. But he listened and his heart responded. In the end I am hopeful. We have decided for the most part that this will simply be a non-issue. We understand that we won't neccesarily agree on what i do with my life but we won't get to this point again so long as we can remember we love each other.

I got two major lessons from this "event"(for lack of a better word). The first being that Love is a forgiving thing by nature. The second being the importance of speaking and acting through love and from the heart. When we were yelling and stuck on being right, neither of us could listen because we were defensive. When we stopped and really spoke to one another, understanding was oveflowing. If I had approached the questions my mother asked with malice, my step father could have potentially missed that I was saying his behavior hurt and been stuck on being right. We would have gotten nowhere... Love is a great thing that can control other emotions if u let it. It is the gate way to understanding and forgiveness, both of which lead to acceptance and who can't use a little bit of that?

little bit on love

This is from an old blog i had about Zack. It's the funniest way to realize a truth about love... that love is a matter of acceptance and therefore a choice.

from a lever commercial in 2005-
"part 422 may not be perfect to you but for her it is just right"

Strange thing is i remember the first time I saw the commercial and how I immediately thought of him and how perfect he was to my blinded eyes. I remember thinking they'd hit something on the head(not that i changed soaps or anything but still good point being made). No matter how imperfect you feel about yourself, there's someone loving you thinking the world of you. Love is not always passion but it is always passionate and strong. It is a gift you can give freely. It is something that grows by being given away. I may not know you personally but i can still love you as a person. I can love my parents differently than my children and then love a man in a completely different way. Love has no real definition greater than the level of acceptance you have for the person you are loving (in this case part 422 being perfect in your eyes but not his). Love is something you can fall into fall out of but it is not something you can be without. All people need it- not want it- need it. So tonight i have reviewed love of mine for of an ex-lover, the love of my mother for her children, and the love of a friend for me. It has all brought me to this insane posting at 2 am to say one thing: WORLD- I love you just as you are with full acceptance with an attempt at no judgement but with the compassion of a close friend. And you know what? It makes me love me a little bit more.

why this is here- a welcome letter

Dear Reader,

Tonight i sat down and actually caught up on my mom's new blog. While in honesty I did not respond to most of the posts i felt i should have, I was however reminded once again that I am out of touch with myself and many other things i feel are important(like i got reminded just how much my mother loves me)... So for a while this blog will simply be things pulled from other blogs with random moments of truths or major questions that hit me as i explore deeper into myself. I ask you to comment on anything that seems weird or you question, also anything that tickles you or you agree with.

I have in the past started blogs that shortly after had no purpose b/c i felt they were too impersonal and an occasional way to personal or time consuming. This blog is here simply so others can maybe learn something from all the lessons I've been through. I think there are many truths in life we learn more than once for many different reasons. I am young but feel certain wisdom comes through experience not through age. I hope you can set that aside and grow with me. Welcome to the new journey/blog.

I leave you with this quote:
"Though no-one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." -unknown

Be Blessed-


p.s. if you have time check out mom here:
http://reflections-of-us.blogspot.com/