step dad

In the last few days certain decisions of mine have come to a head and I am sort of wading knee deep through the consequences trying to make it still work out. My step father and I have spent these last few days in a semi-explosive ongoing discussion b/c of course as a parent he feels my decisions should be different. I agree but hey I'm grown and I'm rolling with the punches really well. I'm also of the mind set "live and let live." Not to mention that neither of my parents are perfect nor have any of their relationships been perfect so I have been on the defensive- mainly just trying to avoid conversation with 'the man my mother married' (otherwise known as daddy when I'm not entirely frustrated with him). Things were said (mainly by him) that were very hurting and potentially relationship ruining. It was also starting to carry over into arguments with my mother as my step dad tried to get to the problem we were having.

So, last night, I'm sitting at the table and my dad says something that makes me bust out laughing and we start joking around. I just saw it as a good moment spent completely forgetting the last few days long enough to laugh. Like I said he's not perfect but man does he have a sense of humor. Anyways, my mother asks me how it is after everything that I can just sit there and laugh and joke as if the last few days hasn't happened (let alone all the other junk kids are meant to resent parents for). For one honest second I didn't know how to answer her. She had made a potentially very good point. What was I doing laughing with this jerk? But then it hit me- I wasn't laughing with a jerk, I was laughing with my dad. See the thing about love is that it's forgiving. One moment of laughter and joy shared makes up for many more tears. This is how I can say I have a friend of 15+ years and the reason why i still attend holiday functions at my mother's house even when my sister and i just got into it two days previous. This is a behavior that has allowed me to keep people who could and most likely have hurt me more than anyone else would ever get the chance. It has allowed my "family" to grow to include friends and associates that otherwise never would have been part of my life (and honestly some days without them I would be completely lost).

I sat and talked with both of them for an hour or so after that conversation starter. I was able to get out how the behavior was making me feel and for once my step dad just listened to what was in my heart. He is dealling with powerlessness issues, finding it hard to accept that perhaps my moral coding is already embedded into me. But he listened and his heart responded. In the end I am hopeful. We have decided for the most part that this will simply be a non-issue. We understand that we won't neccesarily agree on what i do with my life but we won't get to this point again so long as we can remember we love each other.

I got two major lessons from this "event"(for lack of a better word). The first being that Love is a forgiving thing by nature. The second being the importance of speaking and acting through love and from the heart. When we were yelling and stuck on being right, neither of us could listen because we were defensive. When we stopped and really spoke to one another, understanding was oveflowing. If I had approached the questions my mother asked with malice, my step father could have potentially missed that I was saying his behavior hurt and been stuck on being right. We would have gotten nowhere... Love is a great thing that can control other emotions if u let it. It is the gate way to understanding and forgiveness, both of which lead to acceptance and who can't use a little bit of that?