Futility in Honesty

--part 1 of responses to sage advice--

"Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later."

This comment inspires so many feelings that I wonder where to begin. Lately I am having to deal with the futility in honesty. Yup! the complete and utter uselessness of being honest all the time. Now, while the above statement was probably made by a jaded woman, it does apply to all people both men and women.

The revelation from this quote? When we know of something true and bad in someone's past, we will throw it in their faces to defend our "correctness" in a situation. ie. My own sister saying I am an act or shady, when in fact I am bluntly honest and while yes I have made several mistakes in my life have never been malicious to anyone on purpose(least of all her). Now, even understanding that these were words spit out in anger, I wonder if maybe had I not been so honest, she would have had a leg to stand on? Answer- NO! She would not have had a single moment in our history to say I acted in anyway less than honorable especially considering most of these "facts" come from things I myself have told her in confidence.

Before I go on, please understand that I am not saying to lie! When asked a straight forward question you should always be honest. Honesty is after all a virtue. However, there are some things to consider in defining if the honesty is futile...

1. Who are you being honest with? If it's anyone other than yourself, your partner, or your parent- stop giving so many details that you'll hang yourself with later.

2. Why do you feel the need to share this information? If you're telling old stories about glory days, fine just be careful who you're telling these things to. If you're confessing- best save it for a preist who can't recognize you in church next Sunday.

3. What is gained by this honesty? If it's a moment of good honest communication, congrats to you. If you are using facts to hurt someone- you're not being honest, you're being cruel. If you are clearing your conscience (as sometimes must be done to keep relationships etc...) try to speak from the heart with sincere regret and disbelief that you could have ever done such a thing.

When and where play a role into it but this is only depending on the type of people you associate with. Honesty can build or destroy trust. Trust however is something that must be earned and is at the base of that crazy little thing we call LOVE. You cannot trust someone who is not honest with you. But is it neccesarry to share every single detail? Discretion is key in avoiding so many problems in life. If you can't be good- at least be good at being bad and keep it private. Secrects can destroy people but by being too honest people still get hurt.

Doesn't that last paragraph just scream to your naughty side... *ooh she tolds us how to get away with it* ?? This is heart breaking if you have answered yes. My whole point in the "futility of honesty" is that at the end of this is that honest people are persecutted and punished. None of us are perfect! We are allowed mistakes- it's called life people and just like the board game things happen and people change depending on situations they encounter...

My prayer for 2008 is that honesty is no longer futile. That people can reach inside themselves and find a small bit of heart to respond to the truth without anger or pride despite what other feelings it may bring. And that by knowing everything, we cherish that which is in front of us even more.